


A Bitter Choice

by ranchoff



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Inner Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 06:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14710512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranchoff/pseuds/ranchoff
Summary: On the eve of the battle of Denerim, Warden Lariel Tabris must ask something terrible of the man she loves.A rewrite of the scene where the Warden asks Alistair to do the Dark Ritual, because I personally can't stand the scene in the game itself.





	A Bitter Choice

**Author's Note:**

> The canon conversation where the Warden asks Alistair, especially a romanced Alistair, to do the Dark Ritual has always bothered me. Besides feeling gross and manipulative, it just didn't strike me as how my Warden would talk to him about it. In this piece, I altered the canon scene and tried to make it feel more real, like an actual couple making a very tough choice together.

Spinning, shaking, rage flying off in a thousand directions with nowhere to land. Lariel balanced herself against the wall as she stumbled out of her room, her face stony except the smallest twitching of eyebrows and trembling of her chin. She _couldn't_  be considering this, it was unthinkable, yet here she was with a furious pounding in her gut, her limbs heavy with the weight of the decision before her.

Morrigan had laid it out so plainly, a simple trade that would be foolish to refuse; she probably wasn't wrong on that last count. But she made it sound so easy. “Convince Alistair to lay with me,” she had said so casually that the shocked buzz it put in Lariel’s ears almost seemed out of place. A bitter wave of anger at Morrigan rose up in her throat momentarily, like bile - not because of what she was asking Lariel to do, but for giving her a choice at all. If she had never known there was a way out, all of this would be out of her hands, but now….now, unless she accepted this offer, unless she convinced Alistair to do the unthinkable, whatever happened tomorrow would be Lariel’s own fault. Blood on her hands, guilt in either direction, no right way to go, no way to choose but to decide which guilt would be most survivable. She didn't want to die; but more importantly, if Alistair…. She pushed that unbearable image away. Perhaps it was better to have a choice after all.

Perhaps.

Her mind apparently made up, Lariel began to force her feet forward one at a time, down the hall, toward Alistair's room. She inhaled deeply and purposefully to combat the shaking breaths that rose up out of her and threatened to turn into sobs at any moment. She couldn't let them do so. If she was going to place this awful choice on his shoulders, then she wouldn't guilt him with tears. Careful breaths, shoulders pulled back, she willed herself to be sturdy as she reached his room and wandered inside.

He was facing away from the door, changing into his sleeping tunic, when she walked in. As he slipped the shirt over his head he turned in her direction and gave a small smile of recognition. “You know, it's really not polite to enter a gentleman’s room without knocking,” he teased. “I could have been indecent.”

Lariel forced out a huff of air that only barely resembled a laugh. For the first time ever, she really wished he wouldn't joke, if only because it made what she was about to say sound that much harsher in contrast. His expression fell just slightly. “What's wrong?”

“Alistair, I have to - _we_ have to talk about something.”

His face dropped completely and his voice took on the darker, heavier tone he saved for serious conversations. “About tomorrow, right?” He sighed as he sat down on the bed. “I've been thinking about it too. Listen, I know what you're going to say, but whatever happens tomorrow, I - ”

“No, Alistair,” she cut in, quietly but firmly, not wanting to interrupt him but needing to get the vile words out as soon as possible. “There's something else I need to tell you.” She sat down next to him and took his hand in hers with hesitation, feeling utterly undeserving of his touch at this moment but needing it nonetheless. _Selfish_ , she yelled at herself internally, not for the first time tonight.

“Alright, you're scaring me now. What _is_ it?”

“Morrigan just talked to me, a few minutes ago, and...there's another way. One where none of us have to die to slay the Archdemon. But it's….” The words she had been so desperate to say a few moments before now dug in desperately at the tip of her tongue, painful and laborious to force out. With one last deep breath, she began to explain what Morrigan had told her. Her words were quiet and halting to soften their blow, pressing forward through Alistair's many stammers of shock. She spoke as briefly as she could while making sure to include every important detail and explain exactly how it worked - including the fact that the ritual would produce a child, though for an instant she considered hiding it. But no, if she was going to ask this of him, she wouldn't deceive or manipulate him into it; it needed to be _his_ decision, or she would never be able to live with herself after all this was over.

Her face burning, chin still trembling, but managing to keep back her tears, Lariel finally finished her explanation and waited for Alistair's response before saying anything more. He stood up from the bed and paced slowly to the other end of room and back, rubbing his face while taking deep breaths. She heard a muffled, “Maker…” come from behind his hands before he straightened up and began to speak. “Lariel, I - I don't know what to say to this.”

“I don't either,” she admitted softly.

“Are you - Maker’s breath, you're serious about this, aren't you?” He hesitated for a moment. “How do you know this would even work?”

“I don't, I guess. Her explanation seemed to make sense, but I'm no mage. I just have to take Morrigan's word for it.”

“Right, well that's comforting.”

“I trust her, Alistair,” she said after a short pause.

“Why? _How_?”

“She's my friend. I can't explain it. I know how you feel about her, but she's been there for me at some of my worst moments. She's more understanding than you'd expect. I know you don't trust her, I know. But I do. She wouldn't lie to me about this. I really, really believe she's trying to help me _-_ to help _us_ .” Alistair's expression softened a little, though he still wore a tinge of disbelief. “And...even if it doesn't work, I just…” Her face grew hot again, and while no tears spilled from her eyes, her lips quaked beyond her control. “I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if the worst happened tomorrow, and I had been given a chance to stop it, and I didn't even _try_ … Alistair, we...” Her thought trailed off, her eyes glazed over with a thousand words she wanted to say but had neither the time or strength to. Their future was so close, this was all almost over, and to think that all they had built together might be ripped away tomorrow...her chest tightened painfully. After a pause, she let her scattering thoughts fall away with a tired, heavy breath out.

Something shifted in Alistair's eyes and he was silently thoughtful for several long moments. He finally sat down next to her on the bed again and took her hands, his thumbs grazing them softly. “Lariel, is this….do you _really_ want me to do this?”

“I don't know how to answer that,” she sighed. “I don't want to make you do _anything_ , and I know that this - what I'm asking you now - is….I know it's awful, Alistair, I know you don't want to do it. I won't force you to do this.”

“But if I _did_? If I agreed to do this thing - for both of us - is that what you want?”

For lack of a better, uncomplicated answer, she nodded. “I can't lose you,” she said quietly, the words slipping out before she could stop them. _Selfish_ , she scolded herself again. “I don't want either of us to die.” On this last word, her voice finally cracked and the tears she had been holding back fell slowly, silently over the brims of her eyes. He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her in close, as close against his own body as was possible, his chin resting on top of her head. She placed her head against his chest, taking in the reassuring sound of his heart beating and his exhausted, lumbering breaths that matched her own. Lariel tried to let everything else fall away, for just this moment; she focused on the completeness of his embrace and her skin on his and the strong, warm, unshakable presence of him.

“I -” he started, his voice tender but leaden. “I’ll do it.” A few stray tears rolled down his face and dripped onto her head.

“Thank you,” she breathed with all the sincerity she could convey. It felt incomplete and empty, but no words would ever express the tangled knot of feelings within her at that moment. He pushed her away from him just slightly enough to lift her face with one hand, lean forward, and kiss her. Her arms immediately found their way around his shoulders as she returned it, a kiss borne of a desire to simply be as near to him as possible. “I love you,” he muttered as they gently pulled themselves apart. “You know that.” Half a question, half a statement.

“Of course. I love you too. More than anything.”

Alistair exhaled purposefully as he stood up and quickly wiped off his face, now red and wet. “Well, glad that's settled, then,” he said, his voice straining a bit as he forced himself back into a joking tone. “Let's go-" he groaned darkly to himself, “let's go….get this over with, I suppose.” Lariel nodded in agreement.

Yet, neither of them moved.

**Author's Note:**

> (full credit to user zinjadu for that perfect final line)


End file.
